What if...

What if our relationship is not the problem?

What if our stage difference is not the problem?

She is certainly not the problem.

Am i the problem?

I don't like myself.

How can i even feel capable of loving someone else, when i don't even love myself?

I neglect myself; most lf the time i don't sleep good or enough, i skip foods on purpose and without a reason, most of the days i only drink a cup or two of water, i don't excercise, sometimes i gain weight like crazy and do nothing about it, i spend my money like crazy and without thinking, i can't stand myself half of the times.

I am the problem

I can't properly lover her and give her a healthy relationship when i don't even have a healthy relationship with myself.

I can't give her my all, when my all is just in my head all day thinking about how stupid i am, how bad my life is and how much i dislike myself.